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“As we become more inwardly free from our conditioning and our fears, the love and connection that are possible in relationships tend to flow through us more naturally. As our defenses are lowered, our heart opens, and there is a natural desire to give from the generosity of the heart. We discover that genuine happiness in relationships is not a product of having our expectations met or getting what we want but rather it is the consequence of freely giving in order to bring happiness to another.” -- Ezra Bayda, “Giving Through Relationships”

Stepping back in time to Valentine’s Day 1996:  Emma (my daughter) was a year-old toddler then, and we were visiting Twin Oaks, our sister intentional community in the Federation of Egalitarian Communities. We were there to do work-exchange as members of Sandhill Farm community in northeast Missouri. A group of Twin Oakers had made the long trek to visit with us the previous autumn in order to lend a hand with our sorghum harvest season — a major production using primarily hand labor in the fields. This harvest lasts for several weeks and includes the stripping and cutting of cane, loading into wagons to transport to “Sugar Shack” (where the cooking occurs), squeezing cane between mighty rollers to extract its green juice, cooking down the juice into black, nutrient-rich syrup, decanting into jars, and affixing labels for sale.

During our exchange visit, I witnessed Twin Oakers celebrate Valentine’s Day by re-framing it to VALIDATION DAY. Each year, the members make beautiful cards for each member of their community using colored paper, pens, images clipped from magazines, art, poetry, photographs, etc. The cards are displayed in the dining hall for several weeks leading up to the special day. During that period, members write affirmations and words of love and appreciation for the recipient. The cards are then given out on Validation Day as part of a community-wide, heartwarming celebration of love, generosity and connection.

What I especially appreciate about Validation Day is that it affirms the high value of human beings — our greatest and most valuable planetary resource — instead of valuing things/goods/money over people, and it’s a lot of fun, too. Not a single person gets left out, and everyone feels loved. In other words, it is a process to gift each person with the clear consciousness that they are truly seen for the amazing contribution they ARE, rather than using money to buy a thing to express one’s love and appreciation. It’s an element of a paradigm shift from the dominant paradigm of our complex, materialistic and consumerist culture. This alternative way also places high value upon living in voluntary simplicity, homespun crafts and entertainment, sustainable ecology.

This sweet memory led to an experiment in generosity to honor our human worthiness, especially the high worth of women. Yesterday (February 14th), I practiced Validation Day merged with the Gift Economy! I created 14 unique Validation Cards for the women in my weekly Tuesday afternoon Women’s Tea. With the cards spread out in my hand, I walked around the table and invited them to choose their card… saying that each woman would choose the card that was right for her. On the front of each card was a significant word (the recipient’s special word for the day). Some of the words included were hope, believe, powerful, endless possibilities, trust, along with the phrase:

“to love is to recognize yourself in another.”

Inside was a beautiful art photo and words of validation corresponding to the photo, like “you are a majestic child of the Universe.”

We shared our cards, our responses to them, and our stories about our best and worst Valentine’s Day. Collectively, we laughed with delight and also mourned a few losses. This Validation Day was my best because I shared it with my sisters in this way; plus, in the act of creating the cards and then gifting to women, I gave myself perhaps the best Valentine’s gift of all: I affirmed my own self-love, goodness and intrinsic value as a flower of Buddha nature. The infinite love in my heart  happily pours forth in the practice of generosity, gratitude, and intentionally choosing to manifest joy and well being. Happy Validation Day! You are beautiful love.

"Maiden, Mother, Crone" Clay Art by Lotus Allen; Photograph: Giovanna Capone

Another brand new year! 2012 is the Year of the Dragon in the Chinese zodiac and promises to be highly creative, exciting and memorable. Happy New Year!

I wound down 2011 with a blessed personal retreat. As I traverse this new terrain in the journey of womanhood, I am re-inventing myself. It’s a powerful and sometimes humbling process that includes heaps of happiness and unexpected surprises, along with plenty of intentional retreat spent in solitude — rest, rejuvenate, dream, meditate, write in journal, visit secret Redwood garden & soak in hot tub, make art, and give to loved ones and others… radical self care.

This special holiday self-gift retreat included a wonderfully expansive three-week Prospering Woman program with my beloved Mentor Coach Helene Van Manen and 19 other women. The Program inspired me to:

• declutter important physical and emotional spaces,
• use “Abundant Joy” essential oil daily,
• release and let go of unwanted baggage that no longer serves,
• practice an important forgiveness ritual,
• get acquainted with Scarcity Woman and who she is within myself,
• envision what my Inner Prospering Woman wants and the manifestation steps to get there.

I received many gifts during retreat. Among them is a new We’Moon 2012 Daybook to guide me through the days and nights with wonderful art and writings from women around the world. My daughter, who is soon to enter her 17th year, also received her first We’Moon. It includes this poem by poet activist Elizabeth Page Roberts that speaks to my intention for this year… and beyond, as I practice new ways of healthy living in joyfulness, harmony and well being.

Be, don't seek.
Sit warmly open,
lightness in your brow,
not questions.  

Be ready for the quiet
when it comes,
and the creaking
of the house's bones
and the wind's music
playing the notes of the trees.  

Be, don't brood.
Don't wait for life
to announce itself
in capitals
or high garb.  

Be available to its whispers,
know how to listen
when it tells its true self
and not the lies
you've dreamt up.  

Be able to breathe
and let go of your breath,
let go of life as you wish it to be
and take in the simplicity,
the facts --  

The sky is.
This day is.
This sparrow is.  

Be, don't try.
Your weariness must have
shown you something by now.
Stay seated in your soul,
remember the sun is there,
truth and time are there.  

Be, don't seek.
You've already found.
You already have.
You already know.
You already are.      -- Elizabeth Page Roberts 2008

Abundance of great blessings is all around us; we need only pause, listen and look to tap into the magical flow of infinite possibilities and be with Source connection. Everything is holy now! “Holy Now” by Peter Mayer (click to listen).

The Gaze of Love: A Body-Loving Invitation to all Women

Today, and everyday, let’s turn toward other women’s bodies, and our own, with mercy and unconditional acceptance, letting go of the competition and scrutiny-based sizing up of each other, letting go of the subtle put-downs and diminishments when we’re threatened by each other, allowing healing attention to flow one to another until the gaze of love heals us.

A gaze of love, calling wise women with their beautiful silver hair and life-lines out of hiding; inviting our smart, gifted daughters to reject the tyranny of thinness and to cease from harming themselves; welcoming the full, rounded bodies of our friends, bodies that refuse to be battered into shape by diets and admonishments.

A gaze of love so powerful, so encompassing, embracing the whole community of women, all sizes, shapes, colors, ages, and languages, with the widest welcome, the deepest affirmation, the highest calling, the loudest YES.

A gaze of love, inspiring us to bite into LIFE and the fullness of its possibility, to express LIFE through us in color and shape, sound and movement, to honor LIFE by turning our body-loving energy toward projects of justice, relationships of comfort, strategies of  wellness, and words of affirmation.

Knowing we’re all in this together.

One breath. One body. One life. And so it is.

–Patricia Lynne Reilly

With body-loving blessings, Lotus

As I sort through papers this morning, I run across the beautiful Refuge Prayer that was given to me long ago. This is a joyous reminder of one of my first Buddhist teachers –Thich Nhat Hanh ( pronunciation: Tik · N’yat · Hawn). By his students he is affectionately known as Thay (pronounced “Tay” or “Tie”) , which is Vietnamese for “teacher.”

Thay holds a very special place in my heart for it is with his writings and poems that I first fully embraced and then embarked upon the path of the bodhisattva. Following his teachings in mindfulness has given a great sense of inner peace. His words and presence continue to engender well being and gratitude.

Refuge Prayer by Thich Nhat Hanh

At the foot of the Bodhi tree, beautifully seated, peaceful and smiling, the living source of understanding and compassion, to the Buddha I go for refuge.

The path of mindful living, leading to healing, joy, and enlightenment, the way of peace, to the Dhamma I go for refuge.

The loving and supportive community of practice, realizing harmony, awareness, and liberation, to the Sangha I go for refuge.

I am aware that the Three Gems are within my heart, I vow to realize them.

I vow to practice mindful breathing and smiling, looking deeply into things.

I vow to understand living beings and their suffering, to cultivate compassion and loving kindness, and to practice joy and equanimity.

I vow to offer joy to one person in the morning and to help relieve the grief of one person in the afternoon.

I vow to live simply and sanely, content with just a few possessions, and to keep my body healthy.

I vow to let go of all worry and anxiety in order to be light and free.

I am aware that I owe so much to my parents, teachers, friends and all beings.

I vow to be worthy of their trust, to practice wholeheartedly, so that understanding and compassion will flower, and I can help living beings be free from their suffering.

May the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the Sangha support my efforts.

Breathe, you are online

One of the best known and most respected Zen masters in the world today, poet, and peace and human rights activist, Thich Nhat Hanh has led an extraordinary life. Born in central Vietnam in 1926 he joined the monkshood at the age of sixteen. The Vietnam War confronted the monasteries with the question of whether to adhere to the contemplative life and remain meditating in the monasteries, or to help the villagers suffering under bombings and other devastation of the war. Nhat Hanh was one of those who chose to do both, helping to found the “engaged Buddhism” movement. His life has since been dedicated to the work of inner transformation for the benefit of individuals and society.

In Saigon in the early 60s, Thich Nhat Hanh founded the School of Youth Social Service, a grass-roots relief organization that rebuilt bombed villages, set up schools and medical centers, resettled homeless families, and organized agricultural cooperatives. Rallying some 10,000 student volunteers, the SYSS based its work on the Buddhist principles of non-violence and compassionate action. Despite government denunciation of his activity, Nhat Hanh also founded a Buddhist University, a publishing house, and an influential peace activist magazine in Vietnam.

After visiting the U.S. and Europe in 1966 on a peace mission, he was banned from returning to Vietnam in 1966. On subsequent travels to the U.S., he made the case for peace to federal and Pentagon officials including Robert McNamara. He may have changed the course of U.S. history when he persuaded Martin Luther King, Jr. to oppose the Vietnam War publicly, and so helped to galvanize the peace movement. The following year, King nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize. Subsequently, Nhat Hanh led the Buddhist delegation to the Paris Peace Talks.

In 1982 he founded Plum Village, a Buddhist community in exile in France, where he continues his work to alleviate suffering of refugees, boat people, political prisoners, and hungry families in Vietnam and throughout the Third World. He has also received recognition for his work with Vietnam veterans, meditation retreats, and his prolific writings on meditation, mindfulness, and peace. He has published some 85 titles of accessible poems, prose, and prayers, with more than 40 in English, including the best selling Call Me by My True Names, Peace Is Every Step, Being Peace, Touching Peace, Living Buddha Living Christ, Teachings on Love, The Path of Emancipation, and Anger.  Plum Village

May you be happy and with peace.

In celebration of the blessings of the Buddha, the Dhamma, the Sangha and of interdependence on this 4th of July, 2011 from Berkeley, California.

The beautiful poem Sweet Darkness by David Whyte (from his House of Belonging) speaks eloquently of Buddhist meditation practice and the inner path toward liberation and true love.

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

–David Whyte

In the language and wisdom of Zen Buddhism, what remains hidden to reason may be known to rapture. In O Sweet Irrational Worship, the speaker is the undifferentiated self that identifies with nature. He has relinquished dualism and ego-separateness to bask in the inherent oneness (and wholeness) of life. By doing so, he has ceased to question what is and allows what is to be. This act of “irrational worship” generates deep connection and rapture.

The poet has joined, and is flowing with Source, by a poetic and mystical identification or cosympathy with creation. In doing so, he discovers in its mystery the illusoriness of the empirical self and the irrelevance of the “I.”

Finally, the poem proclaims the liberating vision of the wholeness of the life force. This liberating vision, however, must be sought in solitude and in the emptiness that solitude may bring. Merton spent his lifetime in retreat and knew the value of being in solitude.

Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk and prolific writer, was a longstanding student of Zen and possessed great insight. “O Sweet Irrational Worship” is from his 1963 volume of verse, Emblems of a Season of Fury. Merton wrote many poems that expose an exquisite Zen tonality and wisdom. He also wrote Mystics and Zen Masters and Zen and the Birds of Appetite, as well as the posthumous collection Encounters: Thomas Merton and D.T. Suzuki.

on retreat

in solitude

wandering inner landscape

with Source as companion

flowing Inner Love

is one of the greatest pleasures

of this life!

Watch this beautiful video: How to Be Alone, by Andrea Dorfman & Tanya Davis

It’s a great question and has engendered many good and interesting responses. It’s something I think about often as I walk the tight rope between holding the vision of a gift economy future and the current reality of our mainstream, capitalist economy. I don’t have answers, although Femme Fire Productions is a grassroots gift economy incubator. The conversation is worthwhile.

It’s clear to me that it will take a collaborative, cooperative joining of many minds / hearts / energies and learning to share resources well and with grace to manifest a sustainable, life-serving age. Each contributor holds a key part of the solution; there are many keys… many pieces to the puzzle of how to get from where we are now to where we want to be — from this Great Unraveling, Great Turning that has begun to a Sustainable, Life-Serving Future.

I have given my professional services away as a volunteer and community-builder for much of my adult life. It has become a type of spiritual path — to serve others, to serve intentional community, to serve my Femme Fire vision and a mission. It’s been an activist’s life, and walking that talk has thus far meant embracing a very simple and frugal way of life… one that brings many qualitative rewards that are challenging to quantify, sometimes hard to even see, name, and be fully conscious of within the busy-ness of the day-to-day. What many have called “The Good Life.”

For me, there is a mystical, spiritual, essential and energetic flow in the process of having an idea (or vision) and then bringing that idea into manifestation into the material plane of our reality… so it can be seen, sensed, held in some way. This is the work of the artist within, and we are all made of this creative star-stuff that flows from Source energy.

When I give, it is always best when done from a place of love, abundance, flow… meaning that I’m taking good care of myself and my connection to my Inner Source. I am then able to hear and also trust my intuition and what my gut tells me. When there is confusion and I don’t hear a clear resonance one way or the other within, I breathe… contemplate… seek connection and guidance until clarity is found.

Then when I give from the place of truly wanting to give a gift of time, energy and/or resources of some type, I almost always find that I am giving to myself at the same moment. This is true: something always comes back to me in return! In that way, I grow and flourish… at the same moment the larger community expands and benefits. In the action coming from a centered heart-mind, I become the vision so to speak, and there is a sense of effortlessness, of ease and flow. Sweet timelessness, of eternity and deep connection are wonderful outcomes. This is priceless.

If I am unsure or wondering what and how much I will receive in return for my giving, I am not truly in the flow with Source and with my Heart of Love. Because Source gives without any thought about it… like the flower that exudes its fragrance freely without care. There is a rhythm and purpose behind the effortless, giving magic… the flower wants to be pollinated by the bee, but it doesn’t “know” this consciously.

In the practice, one grows patience, faith and trust. Patience that, despite setbacks, one is on the right track in terms of one’s spiritual-life quest. Faith that there are universal forces at work in the process that cannot be seen or understood, but that everything is nevertheless interconnected and intertwined — that there is pollination happening. Faith that to do good and follow one’s higher light and inner truth will ultimately be the right and best choice. Trust that, no matter what happens, one has the inner strength and resilience to meet the challenges. And that regardless of outcome, one has done one’s best and made the right choice for the situation. There are no regrets in this course.

What is in my future ultimately? Old age, illness and death. I accept this and remind myself regularly of this truth. I could go in any moment. These lessons are all around us every single moment of every single day. Sometimes a hurricane, tsunami or nuclear meltdown takes many of us humans in a flash of an instant.

Taking up my moments in worries about money and whether I am receiving as much as I am giving ultimately takes more energy than I wish to expend. What matters is that my needs are met, and that’s a big subject – needs. And to be a good business woman, one must be fully aware of money, finances, inflows and outflows of energy, time and everything else, too.

As a woman in business as well as someone who naturally wants to nurture, comfort and build empathy and compassion within myself and thus with others, there are personal boundaries to be set and maintained around appropriate giving, in order to run a successful business practice so that my little venture boat is tight and not leaking energy. The word “appropriate” is very important in this instance.

Some important questions to ask in any situation, business or otherwise:

• Is this something I truly wish to give?
• Will the giving help me to grow myself in the ways I want to grow right now?
• Is this giving something that is truly needed and wanted?
• Do I have this to give? Is there a surplus? Can I afford to do it?
• Am I willing to wait for the possible manifestation… say if I am giving a free workshop or free coaching?
• Am I willing to be okay if I can’t see any manifestation because it may be of an unseen, mysterious type of connection that I never know about.
• Am I willing to embrace the fact that the manifestation may not look anything like what I might want or imagine? That it may be something completely unforeseen, unexpected, a possibly challenging growth opportunity coming into my field as a result of my actions?

Suffice to say that if my needs are met well, I have a whole lot more to give. The gift is given wholeheartedly then from a place of surplus and abundance. Yet, sometimes (often?) it is the poorest of the poor who are the most charitable of heart, spirit and material gifts… for it is they who have nothing to lose in the giving. It is a question of perspective. What is your own personal lens or economic filter that you peer at the world through? Is this an area you want to grow in yourself? If so, how will you go about doing that?

With this, we go far beyond money and the material plane of existence. As Professor Ron Howard shared in a recent talk with a CharityFocus meditation group, when we are looking at the questions of giving and economy in this way, we are now venturing into the “red” part of life and far from the “black”… we are venturing into realms of spirit.

Ultimately, it’s all about balance and personal choice … for today, I’ll call balance a pink azalea blooming in springtime ….

While we may simplistically reduce the principle to, “people will value what they pay for,” and there would be some truth in such a reduction, deeper explanations are possible, and may be discovered with questions like, “What is the X-factor that would render pricing irrelevant to customer behavior?” One explanation is that of intention and reciprocity. When we come from a space of scarcity, we are always trying to hold on to and manipulate things. That rubs off on people, regardless of whether our offerings are free or priced. People sense the vibration of desperate need and respond to it in kind, by withholding their own abundance. Tons of low-priced, high-priced and free offerings fail all the time when they come from this space.

When we instead come from a space of abundance, we tend to develop an openness to possibilities and find value in all sorts of ways without having to hold on to things. That also rubs off on people, regardless of whether our offerings are free or priced. People sense the vibration of abundance and respond to it in kind, by opening up their own abundance. Tons of low-priced, high-priced and free offerings work incredibly well when they come from this space.  ~Somik Raha

Much of the focus of Femme Fire Productions is on helping women (and men) to become fully empowered and effective change-agents to make the world a better place. Our first step is often learning to fully love ourselves, and we use a variety of tools to inspire and grow us on our path.

Patricia Lynn Reilly wrote a beautiful poem Imagine A Woman that truly speaks to our process as women-loving-ourselves-as-women. As we grow in self-love, we awaken to possibility, along with clarity about our purpose and passions.

Claim your FREE membership to Imagine a Woman Worldwide Circle.

Love Yourself.

Rock Your World.

Imagine A Woman

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.
A woman who listens to her needs and desires.
Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

–Patricia Lynn Reilly, Imagine A Woman International

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