Grief as a Path to Joy / Chapter 7: Love & Marry Your Self

DSC08293 (2)Chapter 7 / Grief As A Path To Joy

Who are you in your God/dess Self? What does your Inner Garden look like? What makes your inner Being sing and gives You great meaning, satisfaction, and contentment?

Are you enjoying your self-love journey? What could be improved upon? Are there elements that You are especially enjoying? Has there been any fear and/or negative feelings, thoughts coming up?

Have you experienced deep loss and grief in your life? To live in self-love means also honoring and accepting these challenging aspects of living, too.


Fear and resistance can stop us cold in our tracks! Yet, these are everyday aspects of being alive, and they do serve us well. It is good to listen to our fear, anger, resistance for they give us important information. You don’t want to walk into the fire because you don’t wish to get burnt.

However, resistance and fear can also point the way to our greatest learning and personal growth. Most of us would prefer to rest in comfort and security rather than risk and stretch ourselves in transition and change. So it is excellent to notice and listen to these inner voices and feelings, and it is helpful not to give them too much energy and focus.

DSC07965Instead, ask your Source for guidance, listen and shift your energy to your vision and love. Don’t allow the fears and whatever resistance you may feel to stop you from following your inner guidance in pursuing your dreams. Ir is our inner saboteur who will fear and resist oftentimes that which our heart most desires, and our resistance can point the way into our greatest awakenings and peak moments.

You consciously choose to manifest the metaphysical energy of your thoughts/feelings/vision/dream into material energy to make your dream real. To accomplish this, you must choose to listen to your inner wisdom and trust that guidance.

In shifting your energy and perspective, you are able to move through your fear and resistance in order to take a step forward. Then you may choose to risk and possibly step out of your comfort zone, but with more of a sense of ease and flow.


To be alive is to suffer loss and sorrow, to grieve and mourn those losses, and to move on so that we may embrace life again. This is the truth of the wheel of birth and death, and we are all on that wheel as One.

I say this not from a distant, detached place. Grief is a very real part of my life because of the significant people in my life who have transitioned. Geographical re-locations of residence also bring loss of place and connection, along with new beginnings and wondrous changes.

It’s important to make space for the process and feelings that accompany any loss, any significant letting go. When we don’t make the time and space for the more challenging feelings that reside within us, they end up erupting and we behave unconsciously. Then we act out these feelings in self-destructive ways and create chaos and upset in our lives.

When you consciously choose to make space to reflect and process your grief about the losses and wounds of your life, you give them acceptance and love. In this way, the grief transforms and opens the way for joy and happiness.

lotusfieldResting at the very bottom of the black well of mourning is a beautiful, bright pool of joy in remembrance — of Source, life energy, memories of good life lessons and connections which made you who you are now.

To touch and embrace your wounded and hurt places, the ways in which you have suffered deepens your love and compassion. To suffer deeply is to touch the depths of love and joy within your being, your Goddess Source. Knowing the meaning and sanctity of death, to claim and own your own death is to awaken to your full life.

You’re encouraged to take some time today to make space for all of who you are and then kiss life! Look into a mirror and give thanks for the gift of your breath and your magnificent heart-mind.


  1. Gather your journal, pen and whatever you need; find a place to go inward where you won’t be disturbed. Take a bit of time to breathe deeply, ground and center into the present moment. Answer these questions and fill in the blanks:
  • What do I fear?
  • What is at the bottom of those fears?
  • Is fear standing in the way of something I want and/or need to do?
  • How would my life be different if I choose to embrace my fear and work with it?
  • When I choose to allow my fear of ____________ to ________________, I _______________.
  • Is there something I feel resistance to doing?
  • What would happen if I choose to move through the resistance and do it anyway?
  1. Get out your calendar and set aside a block of time this week to honor your losses. Perhaps you will choose to do this regularly. During that period of time, do the following:
  • Bring your journal & pen, a candle, pillow & blanket, water for drinking, tissues or cloth, comfort items.
  • Go to your safe space, breathe, ground and center.
  • Allow your Self to think about your losses, give them space, feel whatever feelings are there, allow them to move through you.
  • Cry, wail, moan, yell, punch your pillow… do whatever feels right to honor and process your feelings.
  • I like to go to the wilderness and scream sometimes while I throw rocks in the river or break sticks, beat on the ground.
  • Once you are done venting, wrap your Self in a big, warm hug.
  • Lay down and rest in the lap of the Goddess for as long as you need to feel calm again.
  • Take out your journal and write about your experience.
  • Continue to invoke Goddess with The Remembrance exercise.
  • Affirm your goodness, worth and deepening self-love.
  • Make sure you drink and nurture yourself afterward.
  1. Write in your journal; do your morning pages.
  2. Make plans for next week’s self-love date.

5. Spend some time in your Inner Garden. Are there memorials you would like to create there for your losses or to remember loved ones who have transitioned? Go ahead and make one or more. Begin to plant flowers, shrubs and trees. Make beautiful and meaningful places in your Inner Garden where you can retreat to whenever you wish and remember.

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